Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Don't Think About Your Belly Button

I really have learned that lesson well lately. You know where you try to think of other things, but you simply can't. You tell yourself to focus on other things and the only thing you can focus on are the things you are trying  not to.

I have also learned how when you are starving the only thing you think of is food. Oh, my hunger is not for food. It is for employment. It is for peace. It is for a situation where my children don't have to go without all the time.
I am so focused on those things that I am really boring and even I don't want to talk to me.
I have nothing else to say. 

Living each day in a panic is just not going to cut it.

I do start working one day a week at the Armenian School. I am actually  very stressed about that as I will be creating the counseling program out of nothing. Not that I can't do it. I am sure I can. I think I have been so depressed for so long that it even the simplest of tasks seems daunting....and this one is not really that simple. I need to think of everything necessary for this program to work. I feel as if the success or failure of it is on my shoulders. 

I am trying to figure out what I need legally at the moment and then what they need so I can go in there and seem like I have it somewhat together.

Honestly, the job I a covet is at a Catholic High School. My former high school said I was the next therapist they would hire, BUT I am just waiting for someone to leave. I have been waiting since last year. I called the assistant Principal yesterday, who was one of my teachers all those years ago. I just wanted to keep the connection going and let her know that I still wanted that position. She said she was thinking about me and actually had a picture of me staring right at her in her office. You see, I was on a trip to Mexico that she chaperoned and the group photo was recently hung on the wall. Last year when I went to see, she had found that photo and showed it to me. It was one of those cool panorama ones. A bunch or silly girls!
Anyway, that job would be so sweet for several reasons, actually. First of all, I really want to work at an all girls Catholic High, really I do! I really love that school and would love to work there. It is such a great school for girls. Secondly, I think that job would help me with high school tuition at at least one of the schools my son wants to attend in two years. The tuitions are like 20 thousand a year and, well, I am just screwed right now!
Oh, financial aid! He had to really start doing community service, like right this second, if he expects to get in with a  tuition break. 

Before I end, I would like you know that I wrote this whole THANK YOU  for all of your support. I thanked you for your kindness and generosity. I thanked those of you who emailed me over the months to check up on me. I just wanted to let you all know how much it meant it meant to me. Sadly, the entire post was lost when I hit publish and I was VERY frustrated. However, please know that I am very thankful to all of you for your kind support. It has really meant so much to me.



lunarossa said...

Dear Laura, from my experience I can only tell you that the more you think about something the less it materializes. Just don't focus only on one job, one possibility. Just look around and try to find something else, even just for a while. If something better comes up then you can always change. Is there any chance for example that you can go freelance? Please don't get too stressed. Ciao. All the best. Antonella

Beth said...

Good advice from Antonella. A mind that is open to possibilities is a powerful one....

Hugs, Beth

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Hope you can hang in there a little while longer until things begin to pick up again :o)

Yasmin said...

The job offer you have seems pretty good and you'll be starting from scratch, soundslike a good option to me. Stress can be a difficult situation to deal with, and quite hard to pick up the peices as I have learned one day at a time. I'm sure youll make the right descion for you.

Take care


Tawnya said...

I can totally relate on the employment thing! I know you will be great at that school! You are totally amazing!! Don't stress ( as easy as that is for me to say!) I am stressing too, because I was accepted for my bachelor's degree and while I am not finished with the first one, I am already thinking about that one!! Hang in there, If you need to talk, I am here!! Love ya!