Say What?!

I'm Not Dead Yet

2009-12-05T15:28:00.000-08:00

Hello out there!

I bet you all thought I was...well...gone! I'm not. I have just been so darn busy. It's all good.

I love my job! I work with wonderful girls (Catholic High School) and great faculty and staff. I could not ask for more.

I admit that I am not a morning person, so getting up early and getting there on time is a bit of a challenge, but I find myself staying hours after everyone has left, so that I can get my work done.

I am one one of those counselors who tells kids that I am busy, come back later. I am there for them NOW. I think one must be there for the kids in the moment, or how can we be effective?

Anyway, I don't mind. I find that I do not take lunch breaks, either, but rather I eat lunch in my office as that is the time that the kids often come in to see me. I am aware that I need to be careful of burnout, so I will have to figure out a way to get a break at some point in the day.

I think that once I have been here for at least a year, I will have figured out how to work it all out, break included. For now, I am still learning parts of the job and how it all works here.

I know how lucky I am to work at this school. In fact, it was voted Best of the Bay in 2009 and Best place to work. Boy they were not kidding. It really is a good place to be.

I realize that every place of employment may have one or two people that get on your nerves, but for the most part...well aside from one big blow out fight that I had with my dept head early on...hahaha, it's all good now...it really is a good place to work! We had one big fight, but I think it needed to happen. It is perfectly fine now.

I am also in the process of high school applications for my oldest son. In San Francisco, that is a HUGE deal. The public schools here are not good, so we send our kids to Catholic or private schools. It is a huge ordeal and extremely competitive. Our kids compete with kids from all over the Bay Area for a spot in a SF private school...no matter how smart, talented, etc., the child, everyone freaks out. You must apply to at least 3 schools and see what happens. You may get into one or all three...or none. You find out in March.

So in addition to writing college letters of recommendation, I am doing this!

Now I am off to my son's schools for yet another event! Just wanted to let you all know....

I am alive and kicking!

Fingers Crossed That This Works!

2009-05-23T19:47:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to post in this thing for so long and it has not worked. I thought I would give it a try now as my luck has seemed to have changed as of late.

Not sure if I was able to post when I landed my one day a week at a private school. It was a small thing, but it really helped. I loved the work and the people. Oh, I was the counselor. It is a job I had as an intern in graduate school and I loved it.

Anyway, the school could not afford me more than one day a week (they gave me my asking price) so I ended up donating another day as I saw that they needed more time. I was happy to do it.

One day a couple of weeks ago, I was at my Mom's house for some reason, just chatting with her and my Auntie Dell (her dear friend since high school) before I had to go pick up the boys from school and my cell phone rings. I looked at the number and thought, hmmm,that person called before and left no message, wonder who it was. Well,turns out it was the principal from a high school, where I have wanting to work. She told me that the position that I have been wanting is open and would I like to come in for an interview?

OMG!!! I was so excited! I don't think I was able to contain it. We did chat for a moment. She explained that the position would entail college counseling as well as personal counseling. I told her that I had been looking into UC Berkeley's extension program for the college and career counseling certification. She told me that was not necessary. Really! Cool!

When I got off the phone and told my Mom, I remember jumping up and down in excitement. Yay, I am that mature! But, you see, I have been wanting this position for two years...this exact one.

I went in to see the Assistant Principal one day when I was at the school attending the play with my son's class and asked her for a job. I went back later that day with my resume. I have been calling her and visiting her once in a while ever since.

I knew her way back when. She was MY teacher. She was soooo young then. She is actually still pretty young. How that happened, I am not sure. I am going to have to get her to give me her secret. Anyway, I also went on a trip to Mexico with her for intercession. I will explain intercession later.

So when I went for my interview, I was only nervous because it turns out it was a PANEL INTERVIEW!! I bomb those! Linda came to bring me in to the interview and said it was an informal round table. I told her how I hated panel interviews, that they make me nervous. She said, " Oh, me too! Remind me to tell you about MY experience some time!" I was so relieved by her words that I relaxed. Thank you, Linda!

I was fine! There were five people. The principal (who is this amazing woman who sits on all these boards in the city. My principal at our school, who is a public figure in SF told me she is on a board with her at USF and that she is a brilliant woman. I am so glad Mrs. A didn't tell me all these things BEFORE the interview), two counselors ( one is a priest, but went through the same graduate program as I did at USF) and Linda, the Vice Principal, whom I turned to for comfort. I never thought Linda would be someone I turned to for comfort when I was a kid!

I had to come back after to give Linda my transcripts and references. When I returned she handed me the sweatshirt I purchased (no, I am not a kissass, I love my high school and was going to buy one from my friend who is graduating and this was more convenient....REALLY!) I was talking to the drama teacher when Linda saw me and handed me my sweatshirt and she whispered in my ear, "That went really well!", referring ,of course,to the interview that had taken place an hour earlier.

Fast forward a week.I was soooo nervous. I had not heard a thing. I knew they were still interviewing. I also knew they wanted to make a decision before the end of the school year. I was so nervous. Finally I get a call...damn...missed it while I was in the shower. I have to call back. The Principal does not give any clue by the tone of her voice in her message which way it went. I nervous calling back.

"Hello Laura, I am calling to....."

Calling to what?...tell me that you went with another candidate? OMG! My job! I swear I thought that is where she was going. Her tone of voice sounded like that! BUT NO!!!!

She continued...

".....offer you the position!"

Yes, Yes, Yes. Came out of my mouth.

So, I am the new counselor. I got it over 5 other people they told me. They see me as the dept. head in time, once I learn the technical aspects of the job, etc...couple years, I guess!

I found an old lotto ticket in my purse today on the way to the gym...yup, it was a winner! I won a dollar. I was in 7-11 saying, " YES! I WON THE LOTTO!" Hey, a dollar is a dollar!

Have a great weekend!

I can't write in this blog anymore..it won't let me!!!! Only in the Title area? WHY???

2009-05-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

Vacation

2009-04-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

Just a little quickie while the kids are having their picture taken by their photographer father.

It is Easter vacation for us and we have been having a lovely time.

First of all, my oldest boy turned 13 last week. I will write about that when I have more time. It was a little bit mind blowing for me.

We have spent the week being tourists in our city. San Francisco is a fun city and we just don't get the chance to do the tourist thing...so we did it this week.

We went to Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park and rented the paddle boat. That was so much fun. It was so beautiful. We often walk there, but have not rented a boat for many years. They used to have motor boats, and that is what we used to get. Now they have row boats and the paddle boats. When our hour was done we fed the ducks and sat on the shore where this older Japanese gentleman comes and feeds the huge carp and turtles. We sat near him and just watched. It was so peaceful and beautiful.

Another day we took the street car with some friends to China Town and just roamed around all day. The kids were starving and I could not remember where the dim sum place was that we had gone to with the preschool. One does not usually to to China Town to eat, so I am not familiar with the restaurants, so I had to ask. We went into this little bakery/restaurant. It was a nothing, hole in the wall. The fool was mediocre at best. When the check came I thought it was a mistake....$139!!!!! YIKES! Next time, I will ask friends in advance and know where I am going!

The next day, my sister-in-law and her kids came to the city from Novato and we went to Fisherman's Wharf and Ghiradelli Square. My oldest boy had a party to attend so all the boys decided to leave at about 3, which left my SIL, my 17 yr old neice and myself. We shopped and then went to Macy's in Union Square to find her a prom dress. I actually loved shopping for her. It was a lot of fun. When we finally got home, we ordered Chinese food, because they love it and she never gets up in Novato, and then she stayed until, oh, I don't know, midnight.

It would have been fine had I not had work the next day.

Today was pretty mellow. I took the boys for haircuts. They were pretty scraggly. They two younger ones were SO mad at me. But they can't have long hair in their school. It is not uniform! NOT my fault boys! But I am glad all the same. They look great, even though they were soooo pissed.

After I took them to Noah's for some lunch, they seemed OK. I think they had low blood sugar, which is always a bad thing for my kids.

When we were done, I drove to the Haight. They did not want to get out, but I made them. I just wanted them to see the tourists and the cool stores. Once they walked into a store that had the coolest athletic shoes, they were sold! They loved it!!! Turns out, Mom was right. It was a pretty cool thing to do for an hour, afterall.

My favorite part, I have to say, was when my oldest boy walked into one store that had all kinds of drug paraphernalia and looked around. As he walked out of the store, he says to me" That store is messed up, Mom!"

I said,"What do you mean?"

"It has all kinds of things..."

He was totally disgusted!

Yay! Drugs are stupid!!!!

Tomorrow we are off to Sacramento for a basketball tournament and maybe our last rugby tournament, if we can fit it in. It will be a LONG weekend of sports with my boy. I will miss the other boys, but it is always nice to have a couple of special days with my oldest boy.

Stuff

2009-03-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

I went to the faculty meeting yesterday to meet the teachers at the school where I will work one day a week. So, first of all, I thought I had it in the bag for next year, but then the principal says it is only guaranteed until the end of the year. This he says, really, to the teachers. The hell?

Alright. I am going to a job faire Sat. for the Archdiocese of SF Elementary schools. I am hoping to make some contacts for a position of some sort. We'll see. It will be swamped. So many people are looking for jobs right now. I missed the High School Job Faire two weeks ago for the Catholic Schools. I was pretty bummed about that as a job in high school would either lower my tuition or eliminate tuition for high school for my son in two years. Tuition is in the 18-20 something thousand a year range. So you see why I am desperate to find a job!

The 8th graders found out where they got in on Friday. It was a HUGE thing! In San Francisco the public schools are so bad that they really are not an option. There is only one public that is a college prep. Lowell High School. It is very difficult to get into. I am pretty sure my son has the grades for it, but he doesn't want to go there...course not. He wants either Saint Ignatius or Sacred Heart. He really wants to play sports and Sacred Heart recruits their players from two AAU team in particular and that is not his team, so he fears he will not be able to play basketball there. Maybe football, though. He plays rugby on one of the top teams, at least in the Bay Area, SF Golden Gate. Crazy Game, but he LOVES it!

Anyway, so now the kids have to ramp up their community service, make sure they do every extra everything, win every contest, get straight A's and then maybe, just maybe, they will get into 1 or 2 of the 3 or 4 schools they apply to.

Our Principal was furious, I heard, and ranting, even at the last Women's Guild Meeting. A few kids only applied to two schools and did not get in to either. She had to go and fight to get them into a school. I can't believe it is so difficult for our children to get into our local schools.

Perhaps if the peninsula kids went to their local schools and Marin kids went to their local schools and we did not hold a certain number of spots open for these kids and leave San Francisco kids out in the cold. I don't even want to get started on the athletic situation!

Done with my rant....for now!

Thanks for listening!

Don't Think About Your Belly Button

2009-03-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

I really have learned that lesson well lately. You know where you try to think of other things, but you simply can't. You tell yourself to focus on other things and the only thing you can focus on are the things you are trying not to.

I have also learned how when you are starving the only thing you think of is food. Oh, my hunger is not for food. It is for employment. It is for peace. It is for a situation where my children don't have to go without all the time.

I am so focused on those things that I am really boring and even I don't want to talk to me.

I have nothing else to say.

Living each day in a panic is just not going to cut it.

I do start working one day a week at the Armenian School. I am actually very stressed about that as I will be creating the counseling program out of nothing. Not that I can't do it. I am sure I can. I think I have been so depressed for so long that it even the simplest of tasks seems daunting....and this one is not really that simple. I need to think of everything necessary for this program to work. I feel as if the success or failure of it is on my shoulders.

I am trying to figure out what I need legally at the moment and then what they need so I can go in there and seem like I have it somewhat together.

Honestly, the job I a covet is at a Catholic High School. My former high school said I was the next therapist they would hire, BUT I am just waiting for someone to leave. I have been waiting since last year. I called the assistant Principal yesterday, who was one of my teachers all those years ago. I just wanted to keep the connection going and let her know that I still wanted that position. She said she was thinking about me and actually had a picture of me staring right at her in her office. You see, I was on a trip to Mexico that she chaperoned and the group photo was recently hung on the wall. Last year when I went to see, she had found that photo and showed it to me. It was one of those cool panorama ones. A bunch or silly girls!

Anyway, that job would be so sweet for several reasons, actually. First of all, I really want to work at an all girls Catholic High School...no, really I do! I really love that school and would love to work there. It is such a great school for girls. Secondly, I think that job would help me with high school tuition at at least one of the schools my son wants to attend in two years. The tuitions are like 20 thousand a year and, well, I am just screwed right now!

Oh, financial aid! He had to really start doing community service, like right this second, if he expects to get in with a tuition break.

Before I end, I would like you know that I wrote this whole THANK YOU for all of your support. I thanked you for your kindness and generosity. I thanked those of you who emailed me over the months to check up on me. I just wanted to let you all know how much it meant it meant to me. Sadly, the entire post was lost when I hit publish and I was VERY frustrated. However, please know that I am very thankful to all of you for your kind support. It has really meant so much to me.

Crossing Harder!!!

2009-03-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

As I was driving my little guy to basketball today I get a call. I did not recognize the number so I thought I should answer it as I have so many calls out there to prospective employers. Turns out it was the Principal from the Armenian school. He apologized for not getting back to me sooner but reminded me that they were in the throes of their WASC accreditation. I had not forgotten and in fact, had told my mother about it when she asked me what happened to this job prospect.

Anyway, he said if I was still interested he wanted me to start working one day a week next week. Sure, I'm in!

Schools often have you either work two days a week or full time, which can be everyday. One day is really not much, but hey, it's a start.

The charter school director emailed me yesterday and told me that she is, in fact, opening up a position called Learning Support Professional. This position will be that of a case manager and counselor. If I am interested in the position I was to contact her. I called this morning and hope to hear from her soon. I know there would be many in line for this job, and she may already know who she wants in the position. Whatever, I want a chance to interview for it anyway.

The other good thing that happened today, but not in this order, occurred while I was at yard duty at my boys' school. The principal shocked me first by coming over to talk to me. I was really pleased by this act alone. She was really nice. Then when the topic of jobs came up I told her I was looking for a school to work in (she knows I am a therapist). She then told me to contact the archdiocese of San Francisco and that I should talk to a specific person and tell me what I do and what my credentials are so they can have my resume on file when a position opens up. She then volunteered to give me the number as soon as I was done at yard duty. When I went into the office, she was standing there holding a piece of paper with the number. I was so appreciative.

I have an interview in Marin tomorrow and I really don't want the job. Not only will I pay 5-6 (5 dollars with a fastpass/6dollars regularly) bucks a day to simply cross the GG bridge, but it is just not a job that I would ever want. Besides, I don't think I can have it if I am taking the school job. I suppose I will have to tell them I can only work 4 days. That might be enough to not get the job. I really just want the school counseling positions or something challenging. Not the job that I am interviewing for. We'll see.

I am going to be wearing every good luck charm I can find, and praying my little heart out!

Hey wait, does that mean the undies I am wearing are good luck undies?

Maybe it's my scarf....

That Icky Feeling

2009-03-06T12:20:00.001-08:00

I know what it is, too. I feel like I'm walking through jello again...

that feeling of anxiety just won't leave my chest or stomach

I can't seem to get anything do

I had hesitated to write about any of this because, well, frankly it is just so darn unpleasant. The truth is, my dear friends, I am not only in a really bad financial way, I am kind of stuck in a situation until I get my finances in order.

See Yasmin, I am not exactly divorced....yet.

I really should be...I really need to be.

I have not wanted to write this as I always feel like maybe someone reads this who is connected to my work, even in the past. Past clients do come back from time to time.

I cannot leave my marriage until I have the financial means to do so. Sadly, he drained any possibility of my doing that without my knowledge. He said I knew. Well, I didn't. He paid bills with everything we had and with our freaking line of credit. Oh, and the house belongs to me. He will sign it back over to me when the time comes.

Anyway, I will not go into why I think I married him now or why I married him. That is for a future post. For now I will say that he is very abusive, mostly emotionally. He goes for very long periods of time without speaking to me and will get the kids to ask me questions. I have asked him to stop putting them in the middle and to stop allowing them to see this, but he is too selfish and narcissistic to stop. He twists things so the kids think it is me who instigate situations. I almost don't care anymore, I just really want this marriage over. I am to the point of hatred. There are no more tender feelings left. None.

I am sure that once we are living separate lives for a while and he is no longer mean that I may soften up. That by no means means that I will have feelings for him again, it simply means that I will no longer harbor these hateful feelings which I find so destructive. I think that is why I am feeling so depressed. How can I not be depressed when I feel such anger when he walks into the house and treats me badly each and every day. His refusal to speak and when he does it always rude and mean.

He spent years working on destroying my self esteem and then had the gaul to say it was Me who damaged HIS self esteem. He used to tell my oldest child terrible things about me, like I was useless, basically, when the boy was only 3 years old, thus being abusive to both him and me.

I know I should not publish this post, but I feel like I must. I feel like I hide this from the world and I am so tired of it. I try to keep up appearances with most people in my community and so I never breathe a word of this. Only a few of my closest friends know how really bad the situation is. My mother also knows. She is actually the one who has said I have to stay until I get enough money to pay off some bills and take care of myself and the kids.

I guess I left some things out. My dear Husband is self employed. My mother purchased his second business, which he really didn't hustle enough at. Although he is talented, I think you can guess, he lacks some self-esteem. He could have made big bucks and didn't. He got us into huge credit card problems and got my mother to bail us out. I mean HUGE. I told her not to. Did I mention that she gave me/us this house? She was afraid of us losing the house. He promised to make payments on the loan she took out...but guess what...he couldn't. She might now lose her house in several years. He also maxed out the line of credit behind my back and our cards again. Why did I not work all these years? Because he said that he made so much money with each job and my work doesn't make as much and that I could work nights. I screwed myself by not working For someone as now no one wants me. That and the economy issue..I know.

Ok, so there is some of it. I need to get my kids out of this situation. They cannot be raised in this kind of home. I just have to find some sort of employment.

I just know that there is something better ahead...right?

Crossing Everyingthing I Can!

2009-02-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

I am praying and crossing whatever I have to cross! I called my friend and former supervisor who told me that the Armenian School was looking or counseling support. Well, he told me of another school, a charter school, that is looking for a counselor. He spoke to the principal today and she said she did want to get someone in there.

He told her about me. I am not sure what she said after that but I do know that she inquired about interns. So he gave her the number to the lady who places the interns from the USF program where he works (where I went). She actually was in the program with me....used to be a principal and became a mft (marrige, family, child therapist).

Anyway, Chris told me that she (the charter school principal...am I losing you yet?) gave him her email address for me to send her my resume. He said "GET ON IT NOW!!! Send it right now and make sure you spell check it!"

He said that because I am pretty sure, that in my haste yesterday, I sent out a cover letter or two with mistakes. I came home and saw what was on the computer and freaked! I stuttered in the first sentence! OH. MY. GOD!!! I was trying to think of a way to reach back into the mailbox to retrieve them and correct them. The recipients are EDUCATORS!!! OH MY GOD! I just kept freaking out. But then I realized there is nothing I can do about it but move on. That and do better next time!

OK, so, I emailed my cover letter and resume to that lady and am now praying. Praying HARD! She said she wanted a full time counselor. That would be so perfect. I need a full time job. They really would do better to have an experienced therapist in there rather than an intern. I am not just saying that because I need the job, but really, if they could do it, it would be best to have both, but for the sake of continuity. Otherwise, they are replacing the counselor EVERY year. I know! I was an intern in a school. I think it can actually be disruptive in a school community to have people coming in and out. Children really need stability. That is so important. I could go on....but I won't.

I just want to thank you all for your sweet comments. They are like warm hugs.

I have missed you all my dear friends!

Remember Me?

2009-02-24T16:04:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been gone for so long.

I guess you can tell that I tend to isolate when I am stressed out and depressed. I don't think it is a thing to do...but it is what I do. I really need to learn to reach out. So much of my life is out of whack at the moment. Some things can be put back together, and sadly some can't, really.

Ok, let's start from where I left off. I have sent out hordes of resumes and cover letters and even gone on a couple of interviews. I was terribly over qualified for the two jobs I interviewed for and still did not land them. I do not know if that is why I did not get them, but it only served to squash my self-esteem that much more...sigh.

I applied for any and every job on the internet. One person even called me and said..."Well, Ok, maybe you can have this job, but you over qualified. How about I put you in for this other position?" Well, I never heard back from the person in charge of the "other" position. It really was alright, though, because the job would have taken me very, very far from home and very late at night. I don't think I could have done it with three kids. Well, not easily.

Today I went to talk to a principal of a school. I have worked in schools before and really enjoy that work. I have wanted to get back into the schools for a very long time, but had really hoped to find a job where I might make money and get health benefits. I don't that is going to happen so I had better start rethinking and doing what I do and what I love. I love working with kids and families. I feel like I am all over the place, so I will try to stay focused here....sorry.

Anyway, he was really nice and very, very interesting. He wants to have a counselor in the school and was interested in what I can offer them.

After a two hour meeting, we decided I would begin by working one day a week. The school is really quite small (112 kids - it is preschool through 8th grade....private school) and has some budget issues as well. I was fine with that. I just need to get another school or two and then I will be fine. If I can get two or three schools plus a few private clients in the evenings, I will be OK.

I need to be able to pay insurances, the house bills and tuition. I am so stressed about my oldest boy going to highschool the year after next. I have no idea how I will pay for it.

His father you ask? Don't even get me started!

I am going remember to breathe and continue to do what I am doing. I am going to plug away at this until I find enough work to support myself and my children. Mom might just be right. Today may have been the beginning of things going a new way.

I feel as if I have been gone so as not to bitch and moan at you all. I have been nothing but desperate. You know that feeling where a cry is right there in your throat? It is not exactly a cry but somewhere between a cry and a scream and a groan or something. That feeling of desperation. I am becoming more clear on the steps to take now, but grow impatient waiting to take them. It seems that something always has to happen before the step can be taken. Does that even make sense? I am more of a "just get off your butt and get it done" kind of a person".

I am not very good at waiting or being patient. I like to know the ends of movies before I see them. I guess what I am saying, in essence, is that I like to be in control of my life and when I am not it just makes it that much worse. I am not a control freak or anything, I just hate being out of control for extended periods of time that this.

I guess I had better go do some Mom things now.

Thank you for listening. Please know that it means a great deal to me.

xo,

Laura

Tremendous Stress

2008-11-12T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have not been around much lately due to, well, tremendous stress. I am trying very hard to do what needs to be done to get past his difficult time. I know many people are going through similar hard times. I tend to isolate when I feel this much stress. I am not much into talking or sharing it. I become a bit incapacitated, unfortunately, and I am fighting that. I try each day to figure out what need I need to do to make things better.

I think the toughest nugget here is the financial one.

I think I have to find a day job. I have had the luxury of staying at home with my kids during the day and working in the evenings since I delivered my first premature baby. Now, however, that just won't cut it. We are not making it. Yikes! This economy sucks pond water!

Not that I didn't think this day would come, I did. Especially living in an expensive city. We have gone through some rough patches before. Neither one of us have recession proof jobs. As a matter of fact, our jobs get cut out when times are hard.

So, I am just praying hard that something good happens soon. When I say things are bad, I mean bad.

I went to look at the location of a job I was going to apply for. I took the kids with me for a quick ride after school yesterday. When we got there, the kids begged me not only to get the heck out of that area, but to NOT apply for it as it was in a really bad area of town. I had no idea that just over that hill things got that bad. My oldest boy said he knew from YOUTUBE. Kids!

My cop friend told me I was not to apply for a job on that street, but I had to look for myself. She was right.

So now, back to the drawing board.....and praying!

I look forward to having some time to visit all of your blogs again. I miss you!

Hypocrites

2008-11-05T13:30:00.000-08:00

OK, come on, this is California, people! How on earth did proposition 8 pass in THIS state?

Yes, I'm bitter. I am reading the hate letters now, well I stopped as it sickened me. I could not believe what I was seeing. We vote Obama in by a landslide and we can't allow people who love each other to have the rights to marry as everyone else...what? One step forward, one step back in this state, I'm afraid.

I just don't understand the hypocrisy. How does this affect anyone else's quality of life? How would it affect, in a negative way, anyone's taxes? I looked to see if there were any reasons why people would conceivably not vote pass this from a financial perspective, and I found none.

I know I don't usually talk about politics, but come on, I am just so ashamed of the people in this state.

I have been thinking about tolerance lately as it applies to many things, mostly political differences/ideas, and one would think/ hope we would have tolerance, but I just don't see it. Here in SF you are expected to think ONE WAY. Heck, I read several blogs yesterday and was instructed to leave or something along those lines if I did not vote for Obama. Oh and that was on the heels of instructing readers to go vote. I get that that was a joke, sort of, but by the same token, we also know that there is at least a grain of truth in all jokes.

I don't tell people what to think or feel and I resent others telling me, or even threatening with bulling tactics. So, what, I can't play with you/read your blog if I am not of like mind? Bummer!

Rant over.

Sorry people, it has really been fueled by living here in SF. There is zero tolerance for difference. Believe it or not.

I have a magnet on my fridge, which I bought in New Orleans, which reads, Be Nice or Leave.

I don't think it's too much to ask.

Spoke to the Mom

2008-11-04T09:37:00.001-08:00

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your kind support. Your thoughtful advice, words or wisdom and support mean so much to me. I just wanted to let you know.

I wish it didn't have to be on Halloween, but I never see the Mom at school. I am there all the time as I volunteer for everything. I have to catch her when I can. That being said, I caught her when I could and we had a little chat. She was quite glad I informed her of what was going on and of what others were saying, etc.. Her daughter came over right in the middle of our talk. She has a bit of attitude, that one!

My son also saw us speaking, and asked me what I said. I told him and he was fine with it. Seemingly. He knew I HAD to tell them about the "red flags" for emotional issues/suicide that emerged in the emails. NO ifs ands or buts. We also discussed that this could simply been teen girl drama, but it was not my place to make that call. He really is reasonable and mature kid.

Poor kid emailed her all weekend with no reply. I had to finally tell him that she was most likely restricted from the internet. I was expecting him to be a little bit mad at me, but nope.

On Mondays I do Yard Duty at school during lunch time. The girl made it a point to not look at me. That's fine. She has a bit of a 'tude. After school I asked my son how things went for her and for them. He said she got yelled at for 3-4 hours. I questioned that... The yelled at part and he said, "Yeah, it was probably just a talk."

I could not imagine parents yelling at their kid for being intense or emotional. I just can't. Not these people. He also said she was not allowed to be on the internet" until, like, the end of the year." I said, that is just next month. He had forgotten that it was not long at all.

He went on to say that she was not telling him how she feels about him or her emotions. I said it sounded like she is cooling it down a little bit. He actually sounded relieved.

As he left for school this morning he called out, "Bye Mom, I love you!"

Oh The Drama!

2008-10-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

I remember what it was like being 12 or 13 and thinking I knew everything, but geez! I am so drained by these kids. My poor, naive boy has this girlfriend. It is so intense and so beyond what it should be at their age that he needs to be rescued. That is where I am now. I am putting an end to it. He is really pretty good about it all, but it hurts. She is very dramatic, and frankly, saying things to him that I may have to tell her parents. I am pretty sure it is intended for the dramatic effect, but I cannot take that chance as it borders on dangerous to her safety.

My poor kid cannot be her everything in the 7th grade. It is supposed to be fun and light. He cannot be the only one she can talk to. If her life is indeed this complicated, as she indicates, at this age, she needs professional help, not his help. He can't help her. He is neither trained, not mature enough. Her parents really need to know the things she is saying.

The thing that really got my hackles up was that no one would even notice if she were no longer here. That was in response to his telling her I wanted them to cool it off. Manipulative or troubled or ....I don't know. It is her parents' issue. I really think they need to be made aware of all of this.

I am not sure if increasing my Topamax and dealing with this drama together has just wiped me out. With the change of weather, my legs just kill. I upped my meds in response. Anyway, I am drained and am finding it hard to function. I just realized that perhaps the increase in the meds has something to do with that too. Hmmm.

I feel so sorry boys today is all I can say.

Try Outs

2008-10-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

Soccer season is almost over and basketball is about to begin. I love basketball! I have to say, the boys are very good at both sports. My little guy made 11 goals on Saturday. My middle guy, the coach says, is the power kicker on his team, and my oldest has emerged as really the star of the his team. Personally, soccer stresses me out. Not sure why, it just does.

I love basketball. I understand basketball. OK, I spent much of last year involved in my oldest boys club club/traveling basketball team. He had no less than two, usually three or more games plus practices each week. So I really got into it.

Today we had tryouts for two of the boys' CYO teams. My youngest guy still plays for YMCA as CYO begins in 3rd grade. CYO divides the teams up into A and B teams. In our school, in the third grade, we tend to divide them up more evenly and not really do A and B. But as it turned out, it looks like we have most of the "A" players on one team. They are calling it the "Apples" and "Oranges" team this year. This is new. Our Athletic Director is new this year, hence the teams being named after fruit. Actually, I like it because the kids, theoretically, will not feel badly about where they end up this first year. Uh, not so. There was HUGE drama with one of my friend's friend...well, my friend, too.

Her kid did not get on the "Oranges"team with our kids and he is soooo upset. So is she. She has a bunch of other kids at that school, he is not the first, good GOD she should be done with this sort of drama. But, he is upset, she is upset.

Turns out the really good players are all on the "Oranges" team and when we were leaving this kid, who is on that team remarked, "the orange team is the A team!"

I think he may be right, but there are some decent players on the other team as well. It is just that the REALLY good ones happen to have been put on one team. The kids figured it out really fast.

Here is the thing, though, the other schools will have A and B teams and will expect us to as well. We will be up against those teams and it is VERY competitive. I know it is supposed to be fun, and it is, but it is intense too, because at some point some of these kids want to play in high school and college.

Anyone watch basketball? Rob Jones from the University of San Diego went to our school. We have had other athletes come out of here, but no one who is on T.V. presently. Oh, there was someone from this past olympics, but I have no idea who, it was before our time. Anyway, I don't know if it is as crazy everywhere, but it is here.

All I meant to tell you was that today was tryouts.

I was told that my oldest boy is also on the "A" team. I had no doubt about Christiaan as he has always been on the "A" team and is one of the best players in the class.

As much as my kids love soccer, I will not be too sad to see it end. The only part that makes me sad is that my boys come home so proud after a game well-played. They just LOVE it!

I hope they have the same experience this year with basketball. I just prefer watching the game so much more. I prefer the pace. It does not frustrate me....as much and, like I said, I understand it!

I also can't wait for the college and NBA games to start!

Good Day Sunshine!

2008-10-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

We have had the most beautiful weather for the past two weeks. The sun has been blazing and the temps have been in the high 70's and low 80's. I love sunny days. I actually really love the heat. The hotter the better. It makes my body feel good. I have fibromyalia, so for me, the heat works. It is when the temps dip, or rather the barometric pressure dips and there is even the slightest moisture in the air, I ache.

Well, I woke up today, and my sunshine was gone. I am sure if I go into another neighborhood, I can find it. We have many micro climates in San Francisco. Although we have a tiny little city, each neighborhood has its own climate. But, I am not planning on going into one of the little valleys or farther away from the coast, so I will have to deal with the fog today.

Yesterday was the little craft fair I told you I was participating in. It was a bit of a bummer, but I am going to help them next time, if I can. My items, priced at $15 - $ 220 were simply too expensive at this venue. I know what to bring next time. My jewelry was wholesale priced and received raves and compliments, but people were not there to buy more upscale items. They wanted soap or lower priced things in the $2-$15 range. I also brought my Propanels, which probably overwhelmed people. Other vendors had only a small card table. They asked me to return and I agreed as I know what I would bring and what to make for this crowd. The organizer has never done this before and asked if I could offer her some feedback as I have started and run these fairs like this before.

The reason why she knew about my fair is that this was a sister school to my children's old school.

I am planning to do a couple of small events in the near future, but a couple of my friends really want to do a private show. One lady is a fine artist, one a photographer who does the most amazing cards from all over the world. I have never seen photo cards this beautiful in my life. Seriously. These are special.

Yesterday was not a total bust, but I usually do really well at fairs, so it is disappointing when I don't. Honestly, I had a nice time hanging out with friends and talking to people. Ohhhhh, and I bought stuff, too! I got these cool leaf shaped ceramic thingies to put your tea bags on...cool! I got some cool thank you cards, well post cards that were embossed, some beautiful gold wire crocheted earrings, and some soaps and bath salts from a friend.

On another front, I talked to the assistant principal at the high school I went to. She was one of my teachers. We actually went to Mexico together for intercession one year. There MAY be a position opening up next March, even temporarily, in the counseling department. I really want a day job there as I love working with girls that age in my private practice and I love that school so it works out well.(I currently only work at night) I would be the next one hired, they just need to figure out if they are going to cover the position internally or with an outside person. The head counselor is pregnant with her first child. I am kind of hoping she decides to stay home to raise the baby, but in this economy and in this city, it is unlikely.

The assist. principal knows that I do not know much about the whole college thing, but rather I am a psychotherapist. She likes that I have that emphasis and says that I can learn about college placement, etc. by taking classes and seminars. She likes having a balance at the school. What I like is that I would learn the ins and outs of college applications, deadlines, etc.. I have one going to high school(kind of) soon, so I need to know this stuff.

Yes I went to college....and graduate school. I did a pre med program in between, but things are so different now. It is a whole new world out there!

I realize I just blathered on, for which I apologize. I am exhausted beyond belief and think I need two days of sleep or perhaps an adjustment in my meds!

Have I mentioned the Hashimotos for which I take a bucket of meds? Yeah, we are suppressing my thyroid intiredly. So between the FMS and the Hashi's and whatever else they think is going on, I have a small pharmacy in my kitchen.

I guess tired results in disclosure for me.

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Now I Know How Anita Hill Felt *this entry is rated pg-13

2008-10-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

Today I was helping to set up the book fair at school and what should I find on the plastic table cloth I was using to cover a box to make my display? Oh come on, are you going to make me say it? Think Clarence Thomas and coke can. Yes, that's right, folks, a big, black pube! I was so grossed out! Do you think I was able to keep this little curly to myself? Oh, heck no! This could only happen to me! No one else in that entire school would be molested by a giant pubic hair. NO, just ME.
I ended up laughing so hard, after I shared this little fact with everyone in the library~sort of accidently. Thank goodness our principal was not in there.
Next thing I know, I pick up a tin of what looked like mints and offered it to my friend ( who describes me as Ally McBeal to some people...thanks Fiona! ) and another volunteer, who was really quite serious. Fiona busted out laughing while the other lady very politely said, "No thank you."
The mints were in fact little tacks with white balls on the end. Oh my goodness, what if that nice lady had said YES? I would have really felt awful! Would she have understood that I was just kidding? You know, they really did look like mints. I was merely pointing out the obvious...that anyone could make that mistake and that they should move the tin. It is a school, after all!
So, I guess the moral of this story is, I really should not leave the house if I have had a migraine for two days and have not slept very much in the past two days. It makes me pretty stupid!

By the way, thank you for reading the loooong winded post from yesterday. I guess I just had to get it off my chest.

Harvest Fair

2008-10-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have been working my butt off, making jewelry for a harvest fair/holiday boutique, which will take place this Saturday.
I have not made anything since last year. I did make some designs at a studio where I was studying under some amazing artists, but nothing I would be willing to sell.
Anyway, I was told to include some lower priced pieces to my current collection as that is what will sell...usually does!

I have created and run several holiday boutiques myself. I really enjoy doing them, especially if they benefit a cause I believe in or a school that my children attend. I don't quite know what happened, but the one I started at my children's school has been discontinued and no one had to decency to tell me. I am currently getting calls from vendors that I must field and tell them that there is no boutique this year. I wish I could explain more, both here in this blog and to my vendors, but I do not wish to have any more problems at my boys' school.

Let me explain, well just a little bit, anyway. I ran this boutique. It grew and grew. People started to come from all over and really looked forward to it. This was not the first of its kind that I have started, but it was the one I was still running. The person in charge of our school never really wanted me to do it in the first place. Why? Don't know. It brings money into our private school. No one does anything in preparation for it but ME, so no sweat off anyone else's nose. It was simply profit. It was good profit for the school. I brought in more money for the school in one day than the book fair does in a week. I also added a bake sale last year. I had a raffle. I even fed the vendors. I took care of everyone. Everyone loved it.
Oh, right, I almost forgot, how they finally took me down.
The Women's Guild Presidents and I talked about adding in some holiday cheer by selling Irish Coffee. After all, the other Catholic schools do it. We had a alcohol permit and everything.
Another person suggested a wine and cheese tasting, or more accurately, she pushed for it. She is friends with another one of our parents who owns several beautiful cheese boutiques and another of my friends got the wine donated.

OK, so now I wrote up all the proposed changed and additions to the boutique as instructed by the presidents, whom I have known for many years. One of them is sort of related to me by marriage...sort of. Both of them went to my high school, but different years. Anyway, just wanted to stress the connections. I handed to one of the ladies right at the bell one afternoon.
She is a busy woman as she has two boys, was WG president that year, a very demanding job, and is a teacher's aid in the first grade classroom. I had always thought of her as one of the nicest women I had ever known. I once told my mother that I may know someone nicer than her! Just kidding of course!
Anyway, two days before the event, the other pres. told me to send the head of the school an itinerary of the day. So, I did, thinking it was be old new. I was in the art room making signs and I started getting calls from the secretary about each block of time. The blocks she was questioning most had to do with alcohol. Okie dokie, then. Why did you have us get an alcohol permit if you didn't know what was going on? But this kept going on and on so I went home and got the original letter from my laptop and typed out a quick note that basically read what must have happened. It was as follows...

Basically I was told to print this out, give it to the WG president and she would give it to you upon her approval. I realize I should not have given it to her at the end of the day, it was bad timing on my part. She has so much on her plate so I understand why you didn't receive it.
However, this is why I thought you knew what we had planned.
No disrespect intended....ever.

Laura

I know now that I should not have said anything about giving it to that lady, but I told her what I told the princiPAL...(not in this case). I just thought that honesty was the only way to go and that is EXACTLY what happened.
Well, she immediately called those two into her office, not me of course, because it is a divide and divide sort of regime over here, and said," What the hell is this?" I think she may have called it bullshit or something like that. Mind you, this woman comes with some power as her father was a well-known politician. She loves power. Fun for us! Yippie. Both women said, they had never seen it before. Thanks biotches! That is just what I needed! That is when all the fun began!
Things went downhill from there for me and the boys at school.
First of all, head of school came in and ranted at the vendors for their parking at the start of the boutique. Nice! Then, instead of supporting it, like she usually does, by purchasing things, she came in and told me off! She decided that the best time to have a conversation about the alcohol, etc. was when I was selling jewelry. What the....
She stood there, in her too tight, too short skirt and snowman sweater, manic with rage telling me off in front of all of my vendors and potential customers. I stood there thinking how surreal this all was.
She was going on and on about how we do not have alcohol at events where there are children.

Whoa, stop right there lady! First of all, this was a grown up event, secondly, we have people getting HEATED at spaghetti bingo right in front of you as well as pancake breakfast . Ah, next week was pancake breakfast, they were planning mimosas, gin fizzes and Santa Clause! So I decided to ask the question....innocently!

"What about pancake breakfast?!

*crickets*

I could now feel her cold, blue eyes boring holes into me. I had to look away. I thought I was a gonner!
Her voice became very low, almost as if possessed and she said, "ASK FATHER"

I said very cheerfully and innocently and not skipping a beat that I really have no interest in alcohol that I was just curious.

Well, I don't really recall how this exchange ended, she flew out of the room and one of my vendors came up to me to make sure I was OK. I really was. Until after the event. This woman was awful to me AND to my children.

She would not acknowledge my children for the rest of the school year nor would she acknowledge me. Well, that is not entirely true. She saw one of my boys' teachers talking to me. We were actually talking about jewelry repair. She had earrings to give me or a pendant or something that required fixing, don't remember. Well, what happened was she was summoned to the office by another teacher. She was questioned about our conversation and promptly instructed NOT to speak to me. Said teacher nearly quit on the spot. As it turns out she ended up quitting months later along with four other teachers....hmmmm.
Anyway, head of school (HOS) said I was bad-mouthing the school and I was not to be trusted or spoken to!

Whaaaa...

I had just recommended out school to a friend who transfered in from another school. What on earth could she be talking about?

This was the craziest thing I had ever heard. Not only had I NOT bad mouthed our school, but I was talking it up!
Our HOS can not go around BAD MOUTHING ME just because I called her on something. I am so sorry I asked about the alcohol, but I really didn't understand, and neither did anyone else. It was everyone's question. I was just the idiot who asked it.

So, I have spent the last year being punished. In addition, one of last years' presidents no longer even looks my way. Whatever!
All this because I tried to make money for our school!
I did this NO HELP from anyone else until the day of the event, mind you.
All planning and preparations were done by me...alone.

It had grown into this thing of beauty. And now it has been quietly banished. Punishment for speaking up? Punishment for something.

So this year I am back to selling at other events and not breaking my butt to put on this event that HOS never wanted in the first place. I think she thinks I was benefitting from it. Truth be told, I lost money as I underpriced my items and I was one of the only people to actually give the full percentage of sales.

Wow, I thought I was going to just talk about the fact that I was making jewelry after a year's break. I had no idea I would tell the story.

So, when I sat down, I thought I had lost my creativity. I was so bummed as I thought I let HER take something from me. But even through a migraine, or should I say, migraine meds, once I got started, I cranked out some things that I am really proud of. In fact, I would like to keep a few, but I know I need to put them in the show.

If hubby gets them photographed, I can try to show a couple.

Did I ever mention that he is a commercial photographer? The pics will not be done in the studio as there is no time, he will do them here at home...sigh. I will leave that rant for another time.

Got a Song Stuck in My Head!

2008-10-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know, maybe it was the concert the other night...maybe it was seeing all the posters at the Warfield that jogged some memories of London. I saw some great shows there in the late 80's. I remember one of my flatmates wanted to go see the Violent Femmes and the Cramps. They were both playing at small venues. We would go to these great little places and see great little concerts. Oh, we did see Sting at the Royal Albert Hall near where we lived, though That was no small show!.

Anyway, I have been thinking about those days and my flatmates lately.

I did not end up going to see the Violent Femmes or the Cramps.

I only knew that one song....which keeps going through my head now...Blister in the Sun.

Maybe after listening to it on Youtube and writing this, I will have exorcised it.

I did not go to shows I was unfamiliar with because I preferred to theater. I LOVE theater. I went to the theater so much in London. Sometimes I even went alone. If I could not get someone to go with me, I didn't care, I would trot right down and find something I was interested in and go alone.

Speaking of songs stuck in my head...wanna hear something kind of mean? Sure you do!

When I was in between degrees, I went to SFState with a couple of friends.

During breaks we would meet up for lunch or just hang out for a while. One friend, Aggie, I went to highschool with. Well, just before it was time to go back to our respective classes I would start to sing some really obnoxious song..."Get down boogie oogie oogie" or something that was catchy like that. We would always meet up again in an hour or two and she would be SO mad at me! She had been humming that tune since we parted.Ha ha!

Mean, huh? I used to think it was really fun to torture my friends that way.

Any tune stuck in your head?

Focus Group....Yum!

2008-10-17T11:55:00.000-07:00

Last night I participated in a focus group where we tasted, you guessed it, McVitie's newest product for the American market. They are marketing this product to American women, to be more specific. If you have never participated in a focus group, then you may not know that you are not told at first what the product actually is and who is the manufacturer.They were testing the flavors, the advertising slogan and the new name.

I found it quite interesting, in hindsight, that I actually liked the product better (and the proposed name) AFTER learning who the manufacturer was. I frankly did not care for this cookie/cracker, fruity, energy, healthy snack thing they had developed. Mostly it was cardboardy and chewy. I LOVE me some Hob Nobs and Digestives, though! I lived in London for a year and during that time grew to think of these little lovelies as comfort food.

I love doing focus groups. I love that I got to go downtown, it was hot and beautiful last night and I got paid $85 to eat cookies! Ha ha, it doesn't get better than that!

We've Been Stepping Out

2008-10-16T22:53:00.000-07:00

Hubby surprised me with tickets to Joe Jackson at the Warfield Theater on Market Street. To be honest, it was really a show that he wanted to see, but I like Joe Jackson, too. The Warfield is a great venue, I have seen some fun shows there, like the Grateful Dead and most recently, Carlos Mencia.

I was kind of in a funky mood and not at all in a concert mood. I love concerts, mind you. I love all live performances. My mother and I had season tickets to SF Ballet since I was 13 because I danced from the time I was 5. My mom has had season tickets to the SF Opera for the last 40 some odd years as well. Oh, and theater, oh how I love, love, love the theater. That is by far my favorite form of entertainment ever!

Oh, but I was at the concert, right.

We were getting into the line and I looked around at the other concert goers. It was the whitest, oldest concert I can remember attending, maybe ever. Oldest, for sure.

Save for the odd child with their parents, I would say the average person there was, oh, I don't know, somewhere between 45 and 55. I was feeling pretty good...until we got inside.

Once inside, a guy asks us if we would be drinking this evening, and we said we would. (I almost never drink, but I thought a cocktail didn't sound half bad!). When my husband asked if he wanted id's he looked at us and said, "Uh, no, not for this event!"

I just looked up into his eyes, and let him see just how disappointed I was. My husband pulls me away and points out to me that another couple is being id'd by a different person. This couple looked at least 10 years older than us! I was miffed! OK, fine, so I don't look 21, BUT NEITHER DID THEY! I looked WAY younger than she did. I made a quick decision to not go over and say something so as not to offend the couple being id'd.

Good decision. I am just glad it was before the cocktail and not after!

The concert opened with an Irish singer named Gemma Hayes. She was fabulous. She told little stories about her life and her songs and had the voice of an angel. We ended up purchasing her cd after her performance. I can't wait to listen to it after my husband brings it back from his studio.

Then the main event. It was really Great! The music was better than I had remembered. When I looked down from our seats it had gotten Packed! Our seat...our seats were the best in the house, according to the usher who directed us to them. They were in the first row of reserved seats, which were balcony, but the venue is very small so it was quite close, really.

The only problem with my seats, however, was the enthusiastic fans seated two rows behind me and one seated behind me and to the left. They had the most piercing whistles and yelled ALOT! When Joe Jackson was talking....they whistled. When he played, they whistled. They even yelled things a few times, which I find obnoxious. Dude, he can't hear you. He is not going to stop his concert and have a conversation with you...really, he isn't...so shut your pie hole and let us hear the music.

Fine, I am cranky. Not even the smell to ganja wafting up from the crowd on the floor mellowed me out. I had to cover my ears and stuff my fingers into them to block the shrillness of the whistles in my ears!

Overall, we had a wonderful time. The music was GREAT. I really need to get out more!

Kiddie Rorschach Test or Kiddie Porn?

2008-10-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

The two younger ones were watching cartoons Sunday, I think it was, and my husband and I were laying in watching as they flipped from channel to channel. They settled on a cartoon called Chowder. Nothing about this cartoon interested me, it was no Flintstones, but I was willing to give it a chance. OK, let's be honest, I was too damn tired to get up and leave the room. This tall guy caught my eye, but I said nothing at first. Then when his little friends were walking, on each side of him, it was just too much to take! I mean, have you seen the town?

And the Disney people thought they got away with something! The next thing we see is, and I can't remember which of the freaky characters was doing it, maybe droopy boobs, vacuuming. Wanna know what the vacuum said on it? No, not "ON" and "OFF" but "SUCK" and "BLOW"!

Seriously! We have penis guy and vagina head in a town with buildings in the shape of phalluses! We wondered if the animators were pervs or stoners. Maybe both.

I was once at eating disorders seminar (continuing education) where the speaker, who was a very bright Doctor and heads a center for eating disorders and cutters, refused to allow his daughter to watch the cartoon Kim Possible because of the way they depicted girls in the cartoon....midriff showing and impossibly thin waist! He felt that it promoted anorexia and eating disorders in young children.

I don't really have time for this entire rant, as I have to prepare for work this evening. I have a long night ahead, however, I am disgusted at what I feel is subliminal sexual content in my children's cartoons. They get enough exposure to sex on billboards, muni bus advertisements, any show on t.v., must I continue? I am not a prude. I am just upset that kids are no longer allowed to be kids. Now we are consciously sexxing them up? How screwed up is that?

(I will learn how to use blogger, but I meant for Kim Possible to be down below.....UGH!)

2008-10-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

Pierce's party is still in progress. The kids arrived earlier than expected. In fact, I was in the shower when the fist official guest arrived. One friend came several hours early because his parents moved out of the city and his Dad, who works in SF needed to come to the city at noon. That was great, because my boys have missed this kid and his siblings so much since they moved.

When they all finally got to our house, my husband took them to the park to play for a couple of hours. My youngest was taken away by one of the Moms dropping off a boy to go spend the night with her son, so that worked out great! My oldest is gone on a sleep over as well, so I am down to seven. Seven eight year olds.

Ok, so after the park, we went to a pizza parlor for dinner. I reminded these guys to use their best manners and that I would tell their parents what fantastic manners they had. Well, these ladies sitting at the next table stopped by on the way out to inquire as to whether all these boys were mine. I explained the situation. I actually thought she recognized my friend's son because she is the Fire Chief. They were kind of staring at him. I was wrong. Anyway, they wanted us to know that they were impressed with the boys' manners!

I was floored! I felt like I really pulled something off. I could not wait to tell some of their parents, because I just KNOW they won't believe that I have not drugged them. On second thought, maybe I should not tell them!

After dinner, we went to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua. It was about what you would expect. When we got back the boys really wanted to open presents. I don't really like that whole opening presents in front of people thing, I just think it is bad manners, but they did it anyway.

OMG! One boy brought a gift PLUS a card with $40 dollars in it! Another boy brought a toy he said cost $50 and "it was not on sale". I am not sure what else my son raked in because I had to answer an important call, sadly at that very moment, but, again, OMG!

So, then, I started to go over in my mind what we gave these kids for their last birthdays. OH MY GOD! The Mom who so graciously mad the ice cream whopper cake, her son's birthday was a couple weeks ago.....what did we give him? Was it cash? Was it enough?

When did this happen? When did kids start getting so much for their birthday? I think this is insane! I am embarrassed that he received these gifts.

I simply cannot reciprocate gifts like that. I can give gifts valued at 20-30 dollars. I do give $40 to my kids' best friends, but that's it. I have three kids in private school! Not only that, with the number of parties they are invited to, how on earth can we give $40- $50 each time?

I realize that some of these people are LOADED and that amount of money is nothing. It is something to us.

So, thanks for the lovely gifts, we do appreciate them all, but please, next time, make it kid sized for our kids!

Slumber party still in progress....

The Sky is Falling, Chicken Little!

2008-10-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

No not really, but you would have thought we were under attack last night at about 10:30 p.m. when I was coming home from the gym. I was just getting my key in the front door when I heard a thunderous sound RIGHT overhead. I looked to see what it was and saw nothing. Hmmm. I shut the door and went inside. I briefly wondered if there was some big police case going on and if that was a helicopter flying low. I made a quick mental note, for all the good that will do, to ask my police officer friend about it, who no doubt will be having coffee with me to check out my new rug in the morning.

I did not have to ask my girl friend in the morning, out of the blue, I remembered the date and it occurred to me....it's FLEET WEEK. That was the sound of the Blue Angels! How cool. They always fly near our area while practicing for their big shows on the weekend. I have always looked forward to watching their aerobatics. It is really amazing. We took our oldest to the show once, but between the hordes of people and the excruciating noise, we decided to wait a while before we brought him back. Uh, and then we had two more. Although we can see it from where we live, it is pretty cool to go down to the Marina and get the full effect.

The Blue Angels are the Navy's flight demonstration squadron. They were formed 1946 and were the worlds's first officially sanctioned military aerial demonstration team. The squadron's six pilots fly Boeing FA-18 Hornets in upwards of 70 shows in 34 locations throughout the U.S. each year, where they still employ many of the same practices and techniques used in their aerial displays since 1946.

During Fleetweek, they fly over San Francisco and Seattle to help celebrate the maritime festivities in those cities. My friend, whose birthday is tomorrow, used to say that Navy gave her sailors for her birthday.

This weekend is always crowded at the piers, warf and many of the local hot spots due to FLeet Week, when the fleet comes in in addition to the Italian Festival and other festivals that always coincide. This is usually the weekend where they crown their queen and everything.

I will tell you more about the BA tomorrow as we plan on going down to the marina right after the boys get out of school so we can take them to watch the practice.

We can't go Saturday 'cuz, did I mention? I am having 6 EXTRA 8 YEAR OLDS spend the night? Pierce did not have any kind of party in August for his birthday so he was told he could have a few friends come over and go bowling, have pizza and maybe spend the night. Before I knew it, he had invited six and told them all they were sleeping over. I would have plenty of room had I cleaned out my work studio down stairs. It is basically a second home down there. Oh well, we will have to make it work up here. My oldest will be at my good friend's house for her son's 13th day. She is the cop I mentioned before.

We actually might end up at the same bowling alley. A bunch of way-too-cool tweens/teen-agers and a gang of his brother's bothersome friends. Oh Great!

But it will be fun for me and my Dear Friend.

Can't wait to see the Blue Angels!

Getting Ready For Halloween

2008-10-08T11:56:00.001-07:00

Christiaan has his costume pretty much taken care of. Well, he has the mask and that is most of it. He and about six of his friends are going to be The Joker's crew from The Dark Knight. If you saw the movie, they wore the masks in the opening robbery scene.

Reid purchased a Zombie costume yesterday. He set out to find a Zombie and we found just the right, scary, bloody, icky, walking dead.

Now it was Pierce's turn. Nothing seemed to pique his interest....until his brother pimped him out!

That 's it! Flava Flav! He wanted to be Pimp Daddy, FLava Flav. Just how does an 8 year old child even know who this character is, anyhow? Does he listen to Public Enemy? NO! Does he watch Flavor of Love? I sure hope not. I know Christiaan has watched it. Yes, I am shaking my head!

So as we pimp out my middle born child, and the tears roll down my cheeks, the voice of reason sounds from somewhere behind me. Of course, it was my eldest child.

"Uh, Mom? Pierce is going to get a conduct referrel for that costume!"

"NOOOO! Wait, you think so?"

So I find a group of three boys that appear to be in school uniforms, thinking that they go to Catholic school, too.

"Excuse me, boys, can I ask you something? Would you get in trouble for going to school on Halloween dressed as Flava Flav?"

"Who?"

"OK. Would you get in trouble for this costume?"

Here is my sweet little Piercey Pie in an oversized clock, the Viking Horns a pair of pimp shades and various other pimpish items.

They all agreed that in their school, it would not be acceptable.

Pierce was crushed! He loved the Flav costume.

I called several friends on the spot to ask opinions. I did not put one single item on him that actually said "Pimp", because, you know the grill he wanted had "Pimp" printed across it.

My boys were Rastas one year. No one got upset.

Just how out of line would it be for him to be Flav for Halloween? My own judgement on this one is way off, obviously.

My Boys!

2008-10-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

I tried to upload a much more recent photo of the boys, but it would not work. I did find this one, however, which is several years old. My oldest looks so young here. He is such a young man now. Even the middle one looks so, well, little here. I am pretty sure I have mentioned their ages, but if I haven't, from left to right, they are Pierce, 8, Reid, nearly 7, and Christiaan 12 1/2 (going on 37!). They keep me very busy and I love every minute of it...OK, not the ones where they are fighting with each other, but every other one!:)

Emotions Follow Behavior

2008-10-05T20:42:00.001-07:00

I was in the shower, where I do my best thinking, earlier today, thinking back on a session I had with a client last week. She wants me to "Fix her". If only it were that easy. Actually, she is a very intelligent young woman and knows it is not that easy.

I was reminded of a book I read as an undergrad in a General Semantics class, by S.I. Hayakawa. I really ate up that book, I recall, but the one thing I will never forget is how Hayakawa talks about emotions following actions. I thought about this a great deal at the time and over the years. I really think he was right. Of course, he was talking about behaviorism, which I was not a huge fan of at the time, but I really grew to understand the different situations in which it can be useful.

For example, my client wants to stop being so passive aggressive with the people, mostly men, in her life. She applies this even to her boss. While I do believe we need to understand what underlies this issue, I also think that she needs to try new behaviors now. The ones she is employing, well, aren't working for her. Do it differently, try something new and see what happens. See how you feel.I explain to her. As you might expect, we are working hard of family of origin issues and other things that are popping up. But I just find that knocking your head against the same brick wall, just isn't helpful. It makes you feel the same way and perpetuates feelings. I think Hayakawa really was insightful.

A little example out of my own life:

My birthday was in August.

I am my father's only daughter. Longer story here, but he has me, my brother and a son he had with another woman he eventually married. Yup, he got trapped, but I digress. But you must be used to that by now!

Anyway, I use his office to see clients, which is an important fact later.

My birthday rolls around and I get a voicemail.

"Hi Laura, it's Dad. I was just writing in a patient's chart and I wrote the date and realized it was your birthday. Happy Birthday."

Ok, not sure what he said after that as it was such a slap in the face. Come on, I am your only daughter! You can't bother to remember? If you can't be bothered, do you really need to mention the fact that the only reason you remembered was that you were writing in a chart? You big jerk!

I have three kids and I would never forget their birthdays.

To top it off, when I told him just one week later that it was my middle boy's bday he said, "Oh, that's nice."

No, Happy Birthday, no nothing. He doesn't even speak to my older brother or contact his kids.

So his birthday was the following month. I spent some time planning my payback. I sat and thought of all the ways to hurt him back. I even thought the topper on his bday cake could be that my youngest boy thinks he is his uncle! We live two blocks away and my son does not know him. How very sad is that. Then I cleared my head and realized I had allowed myself to sink as low as he is.I would not want to feel like he does nor would I want to perpetuate the way I feel. I really can't help how he feels or who he is. I have no control over that. So I decided to purchase a card and sign it from all of us- myself, my husband and my boys. My sons refused to sign it. They all said he does not call them or remember their birthdays so they have no desire to sign this card. I respected that.

I went to work that night, the night before his birthday and left it on his chair.

The next day, I called and and lied a bit, saying the boys and I wished him a happy bday.

Truly, had I said anything else I would have felt awful. I am glad I did what I did. It felt clean and made me feel like a better person.

I don't know why I told this story, other than, I think it does illustrate how behavior effects emotions. I think we can make positive change by doing what we know is right or just doing something differently in some cases. Sometimes it might take several tries as it might take steps to get there.

A former supervisor tells a story about a woman learning assertiveness. She was a huge push over. One day someone at work asks to borrow her stapler and she cusses him out. That is a little but extreme... But....it is different and I am sure she felt a change...lol.

I've just been thinking is all....

Thanks Ken!

2008-10-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Ken, aka Bucko, for his suggestions about my new colors.

You are so right. I have more work to do to make this place look nice and easier on the eyes. I sooo appreciate your input!

Thanks!

Hopefully, it is getting better!

Oh, and I decided that my new sign off really should be wink wink. I credit Beth, of Nutwood Junction (Ken's lovely bride), for bringing that to my attention. I do so love a good wink! Ha ha!

;o)

Swedish colors at the request of the boys

2008-10-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

Alrighty, I will try these colors out for a bit. I am not sure if I like them. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love the Swedish colors. My Grandfather was from Sweden. Oland, to be exact. He was probably my favorite person in the world. I miss him terribly. I will write more about Grandpa another time.

Anyway, I am just playing with the decor as I did not really like the cutesy dots but I am technologically challenged, so I felt I had to make due with what I could find. I am going to venture out and see what I can do.....in time. Today I am going to cover my floors. Craigslist is calling!

By the way, I have purchased some really amazing pieces of furniture. I bought a Henredon coffee table for $75. The exact Asian/ almost Empire style legs I was looking for. A really solid, expensive piece. I have a feeling the woman was getting even with her boyfriend. Not sure. But, it turns out to be my gain. She said it was her piece, but then she told a story of how he was away on some amazing tropical trip without her. Hmmmm....and she is selling expensive furniture at lowball prices. I did mention it is in my nature to trust people. So I did. Until the drive home from San Jose, which is about 45 min. from SF. That is when allowed myself to even think she might be selling the good stuff as a surprise for BF's arrival.

Yikes, I just hope it does not spill onto my Karma. My intentions were good!

The other great thing I got was an antique mirror. I was looking for a particular style and price range. It had to be ornate but not too ornate. It had to be under $100 and antique. It also had to be at least 42" in length to fit in my bathroom. It is absolutely gorgeous.

Although my friends think it should go in the living room. I think it goes nicely where it is. It is too small for the living room. My bathroom has the original tile from 1926 and I think it is so charming with the mirror.

Okie dokie, I am going to make an attempt at getting more of my hardwood floors covered.

Toodles!

I love Craigslist!

2008-10-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

I realize that this may sound, well, just plain sad, but I simply love, love, love to shop on craigslist. That is my kind of fun. I have three kids. Not sure if I mentioned that before. Boys, to be exact. They are Christiaan (not a typo, it is pronounced christyawn, or something close..lol)age 12 1/2, Pierce 8, and Reid will be 7 in December.

Anyone with a gaggle of kids, especially in a town like San Franciso, knows that money is limited. I try my best to get the best deal possible.

My mother once gave me refrigerator magnet with a cartoon of a harried mother being robbed, handing over her pocketbook. The caption read " I don't have money, I have children!" Thanks, Mom! That about sums it up perfectly!

Ok, back to my original thoughts. Last night, after two weeks of phone tag and a bit of hesititation, I ran right down to 18th and Castro Streets to check out a hallway runner. It looked lovely in the photo. I was coming off of some frustrations at home and had the remnants of a two day migraine still lingering. My migraines always come with fluorescent green blotches in my field of vision. Not the best way to check out a rug!

Well, Castro was bustling so it took me forever to find parking! That place is really such a cool little village. I just don't really belong there. I walked up and down the street. I had just come from taking my oldest boy and two of his friends to the gym, so I was in gym clothes on a Saturday night, while everyone else was ready for a night of partying. It was just kind of cool to see that just over the hill, there is this bustling area, so unlike my own little world.

Anyway, after having trouble finding the address (thank you migraine!), I finally got there. I have to tell you one more thing. The houses in this area are those really cool Victorians. I just love them!

OK, back to the story.

The rug seller was the cutest guy and his partner, also darling. I felt like we were already friends from our many mini conversations on the phone. Needless to say, I went into this thing just foolishly trusting him. But that is usually my M.O.

The rug was originally listed at $35. He told me a week and a half ago that someone offered him $50, so I could have it if I offered him MORE. I stopped calling at that point.

He contacted me again with the original post and said we could work something out. Oh, and he had relisted the rug at $65!

Granted, most runners of this quality and size are worth at least that!

So back to his flat.

Through my migraine, I did not even pay attention that he only showed me 2/3 of the runner and then I just said, "I'll take it!"

I asked how much he wanted for it....guess what I paid?

I forked over $50. I just didn't have a fight in me. I already had a fight at home this evening and I had nothing left...not even a negotiation.

I bring the lovely rug home. Everyone loves it.

Fast forward to today. I wake up, drink my coffee and take a better look. My hallway is bright in the daytime. The runner is either dirty or they spilled something across it and the reason why he showed me part of it was because it would have been apparent that the two ends were off in color...just slightly. I still like it. I will have to steam clean it and see if I love it. I still think it was worth the money as that was still pretty cheap. But the more I think about it the... I think I will clean it now!!!

I still LOVE Craigslist!

WInter Coat?

2008-10-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

What the hell? Is this my winter coat I feel? OK, I know I have not been my usual gym rat self, but come on, can't I catch a break?

I usually spend soooo much time in that place. I'm talking 2-3 hours a day. I have whittled it down to somewhere between 11/2 and 21/2.

I try to be as faithful as possible for several reasons, one being, that my endochrinologist has told me that exercise is burning off the extra synthroid ( I take enough for a 200+ lb man--and I do not weigh 200 lbs), and it just keeps me sane...OK, closer to it. It relieves my stress in a way that nothing else does."Hi my name is Laura and I am an endorphine junkie!"

Well, speaking of Dr. BlueEyes, and I call him that because resembles the now late Paul Newman. He also has a very dry sense of humor, which I appreciate. He is one of the top specialists in his field and people travel from all over the world to see him, so I am blessed that he is right in my neighborhood. I am lucky that UCSF in just so close!

I digress. Again! Getting back to my story and why the winter coat....

At one of my appointments, which I pay dearly for, by the way, Dr. BlueEyes asks me how about my sleeping patterns. Well, I don't sleep well, but I was told by one of by Docs to just take Benedryl.

Dr. BE:" You realize that is not a hypnotic"

Me: "Yes,I realize that..."

Dr. BE: ...it's an antihistamine!"

Me: " Yes, I am aware of that."

Dr. BE: " Antihisitamines will hang you over"

Me: " I don't think I feel hung over. I don't really take much...just 25 mg."

Dr. BE: "Yes, it hangs you over!"

Me: " No, I don't think it does."

Dr. BE: " Yes, it does."

Me: "...no, I don't think so...."

Dr BE: "YES, IT DOES! "

OK, the exchange continues like this for a while until I got weary of the argument and wanted to move on...

Me: " OK, you're right, it hangs me over"

Dr. BlueEyes had the look of triumph on his face...or was is "I told you so". Oh who cares, he really is quite brilliant. I don't say that because I think all docs are brilliant, really I don't. I have been around doctors all my life and let me tell you, they come in all shapes and sizes of smart, stupid and everything in between...even out of their mind crazy. They are no different than any other sector of the human population.

So, instead of my little pink knock out pills he prescribed little blue ones. Well, not sure if the original dose came in blue.

So now while I sleep much better, and much longer, the side effects are becoming intolerable.

I don't really mind the fact that I have a metallic taste in my mouth...doesn't bother me. I also know that carbonated drinks of any kind will knock out that side effect....but I learned this tidbit too late. You see, I started to EAT at night to get rid of that weird taste, but I sort of enjoyed doing it all at the same time. I liked the combinations...does that even make sense? I was really kind of sleep walking, or should I say, sleep eating anyway. Now I am afraid that I am conditioned, just like the little a little rat, to eat when I experience the taste or even the effects of my meds. Sigh.

So, when I went to get dressed yesterday, my jeans were so freakin' tight!

I even unbuttoned my pants before my client came in ( I had black pants on) at work last night. ARG!

So, you see, I have my winter coat!

I've Been Thinking....

2008-10-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I have! ALot! I read so many of your journals and I really love getting to know you all. I feel like I know what you do, what you enjoy, who is in your families, and in some cases, what made you who are today. What I am trying to say is, that often times, so many of the people whose journals I enjoy reading, have the courage to write about the hard times in their lives. I really admire that.

I want to start opening up a bit more about who I am and what makes me tick. I know that I would never feel comfortable writing the things I had originally intended to write as I am a psychotherapist and I am from a family of psychologists and doctors and SF is a really small town. No, really it is.

OK, now see why I don't write about my painful growing up years. Sure it wasn't all bad, but it was not something I would ever willingly return to. As a matter of fact, the struggle for my father's love continues to this day. It really is a sad situation. I just need to really get clear that as painful as it is, it is not of my making and try as I do be close, it is just not possible.

Oh lookie there, I opened up!

(I find myself erasing things that I think might enrage my Father were he to read it. So, perhaps I should refrain from writing about that situation until he is no longer with us. No, he is not sick...or very old. And I am glad about both).

But I do so enjoy reading about the happy lives some of you had. I also cry with some of you. You have no idea how much I empathize with the situations or your past. I admire the strong people you have become and the struggles you have endured. I appreciate the fact that our journeys are life long and that we are in charge, for the most part, of our own destiny.

I think I have gone all over the place here, but what I was trying to say is, I appreciate all of you and I will try to open up a bit more about myself. I feel like a voyeur and it makes me feel bad.

I just hope you understand, that between the journal that did not publish entries and the discomfort letting it all out and potentially being read by a client (or dear ole' Dad)...

But I would like to open let people in more in the future. That was the purpose of the journal from its inception.

Until next time!

Ack!

2008-10-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

Why do I have 2 titles Journal titles on this Page? Why is THIS journal all screwy now?

Know what? I am just not going to sweat the small stuff as long as I can actually publish in this one! The last one (AOL) would not allow me to publish once I typed all the text in, so at least I am ahead of the game here!

I am actually sitting here trying to procrastinate. I have so much to get done and I don't want to do any of it. I guess things won't get done while I am sitting here typing away. I have a party to plan, a house to clean, jewelry to design, invoices to write, continuing education units to do and I am supposed to go look at a rug at some point before I go to the gym. I am tired just thinking about it. Maybe I should nap first. Haha!

Bite Me!

2008-10-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

I had wanted to tell this crazy little story and now it seems appropriate.

I had pretty much abandoned this journal as it seemed so far away from my AOL community. My AOL journals would not work so I had to go elsewhere.

Anyway, welcome all. I guess I will resume here as I will no longer feel so alone.

The story I wanted to tell, well, it actually makes me sound kind of psycho, but I will tell it anyway. A week or two ago, I was with my two younger boys in the car backing out of a parking spot. We were in an area called West Portal, for anyone who may be familiar with San Francisco. It is a nice little area. Anyway, my passage was being blocked, but I was patient and waited for the person who was waiting for my space to back up so that I may, in turn, back up and get on with my afternoon. That street is two lanes in each direction. The person who was passing on the outside lane got miffed at me, for some reason unknown to me and the boys. She proceeds to catch up to me and give me a dirty look.

That was IT! I was now pissed off!

To my children's horror, I start to yell "BIT ME,LADY!" out of the open soccer van windows, which I was driving. The lady in her beat up car, with "green" messages all over it was oblivious to screaming as her windows were completely rolled up.

The people at the bus stop heard me, though!

I pull up next to her, as she did to me, and pantomime' BITE ME!

Just then, from the back of the car, I hear my 8 year son saying, in a sing-songy sort of way

"I think someone forgot to take her medicine...."

That stopped me dead in my psycho tracks and I bust out laughing! OMG! Out of the mouths of babes!

I said, "Did you just say what I think you said?"

He sheepishly copped to it.

I mumble to myself," I don't think you realize just how appropriate that comment really was."

Jury Duty Resolved At Last!

2008-05-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I reported for jury, as is my civic duty. I sat in the chairs with all the other people waiting for my name to be called. First we watched a really bad movie about what it means to be a juror. It was so dumbed down it was insulting even to the stupid people. After the movie ended we waited a while longer until names started to be called. It took a while for mine, but finally it was read and I followed the crowd into the elevator to the sixth floor to the jury room. Once in the jury room, they called roll and then explained what a hardship was. Hardship generally meant financial. One lady asked what if you had small children and the woman in charge said that that constituted a hardship. She would then hand out hardship excuse forms to those who raise their hands and mine shot up, along with most of the other people in the room. Only a small number of the people actually filled out the jury selection form.

I forgot to mention that they also said that this case was going to run at least six weeks! I was panicked because I have my oldest boy's basketball State tournament in San Diego and a trip in a two weeks and all kinds of things not to mention I am the one who picks them up from school every day and I have no one to get them for me. All of these things are valid but I had to pick one, so I decided to go with sole provider of child care for my three kids.

As the forms were given to the second lady to read out whether each person was excused, excused from just this case and assigned to a shorter one and sent back downstairs or excused for completely I sat with my fingers crossed. She read out name after name and people continued to leave the room. I was nearly the last person left. I knew at least one other person said they took care of young children and was excused from service because I saw who asked about it and she was told she was excused for a year. I could not figure out what happened to my paper. Finally the lady called my name...the last paper...she walks over to me and tells me that I next time when I receive the summons I should turn the paper over and check the box indicating that I take care of dependents. She said had I done that I would not have had to come down there at all!

If only I had known. I thought you had to be breast feeding to make that one work!

I thanked her and assured her I would be doing that next year as my kids are still young.

No jury duty for me for a while!!!!

Jury Duty Update

2008-05-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I report for jury duty Tuesday morning at 8:45, downtown in civic center somewhere. I will park where I park to go to the ballet and opera, or so I have been directed on their recording, and walk over. I am hoping to be able to spend the one day there and that be it. I hope that they find me undesirable for their jury.

If it is a DUI case, I plan on telling them that I have three children and do NOT drink because of that. I do not believe in drinking and driving AT ALL. I have no tolerance for alcohol nor people who get behind the wheel drunk. That is sure to get me disqualified. Luckily, no one from my youth will be there to testify against me. Nor will I be hooked up to any kind of machine that will give me away. Don't get me wrong, I don't really drink, unless it is an occasion or I am out to dinner with friends or family. I never drink at home, I just don't. I have migraines. I have no tolerance for alcohol anymore, that part is true. I don't agree with driving drunk, that is also true.

I have thought I could say something extreme like "Fry everyone!!!" Of course I don't I don't feel that way. But who would want some lunatic on a jury saying that?! Or how about I judge people based on their looks...Eww, yeah, that's another beaut! Ok, I can't say that as a therapist. I would have to stick with hoping they don't want friends of cops on the jury. I think they care about that anymore.

People have suggested making racial remarks. I can't do that. I would never make a statement like that ever.

So short of that, I have to come up with something that will make neither side want me in their jury.

That is what I will be thinking about until all weekend.

Happy Memorial Day weekend to you all!

Jury Duty!

2008-05-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

I was so excited that I did not have to report to Jury Duty on Monday that it completely slipped my mind to call in on Monday afternoon. Ooops. I called in today and found out that I was indeed supposed to report for jury duty today at 1:45 p.m. There was no way that was going to happen as I had a sick child home from school. Wait, I also have an appointment tomorrow....but wait, worse than that, on Friday, my kindergartner has been preparing the Mother's Day presentation and brunch for at least a month. They sing us songs that make us cry happy tears, they present us with art they did...amazing art. Portraits of us and a still life of a vase full of flowers. They also give us framed photo that the teacher took of us several weeks ago with our child. They make the frame out of wood and decorate it simply but beautifully. I already have two of these and have been looking forward to collecting the full set of three. I have also been dreading it in a way as it will be my last ever in this amazing class.

I have become friends with the teachers over the years and I love these ladies.

I cannot imagine NOT going to this event. It is HUGE to me and to all of us in the school. I was thinking of all the awful things I might have to say in order to get kicked off of the jury. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Luckily, I called in and spoke to a nice lady and explained that I have one sick child and I don't know how long this will last. I also expect it to go through the family. She allowed me 90 days to postpone. I took two weeks. I will report on the 27th. I think will be fine to go then.

Hopefully, they will not need me for anything. Hopefully, the fact that a couple of my best friends are cops is enough to get me excused.

I can only hope.

Control Your Beast?

2008-05-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

I get a call as I am pulling into the driveway last night at about 8:30 p.m. We had just enjoyed a lovely afternoon celebrating my SIL's 50th bday (yes, she is a tad older than we are) around her pool in Novato with her friends and neighbors....it was really a lovely day.

Back to the call. It was my good friend and I think she is calling to just shoot the breeze. It take a couple minutes, she gets to the point of the call soon enough.

"Do you want to hear what YOUR BOYFRIEND did now?!"

My boyfriend being, this "friend" of ours who bullied my son into telling him when our school tryouts for our sports were so his kid could play on our team. No his son does not go to our school, but does do CCD there.

Just a little background here. Our CYO sports are very competitive. Our schools are very tight knit. We have no problem welcoming people in, but you really need to behave yourself. It might help, also if your kid had something to offer if you are going to talk sh*t about other people's kids!

My friends kid got a great hit (baseball) and he walks by the group of parents and says.....

"Wow, first hit he got all season!"

She was unsure of what he said and asked the surrounding people if she had heard correctly. OH YES! He slammed her kid. But, he kid had gotten some very nice hits this season...this was by no means his first.

So this very conservative Lady, and I capitalize because she is a lady and does not bad mouth people, proceeds to tell my friend what he said last week.

She and her hubby have this darling puppy and they brought her to the game. He walks by the Husband (also a bit conservative) and says, "Control your beast.....I'm not talking about your dog, I'm talking about your wife!"

IS SHE EVER PISSED!

OK, I know him well and I know that he would be saddened if he thought he hurt anyone's feelings. He thinks he is being clever. He is actually a very smart man...he will tell you this himself, honestly he will. He can be so obnoxious!

Anyway, he does not belong to this community and really should just be polite and not try to be so familiar.

After I told his wife I wouldn't stand for her abuse anymore we no longer socialize. I took it way too long. If she can't be anything other than jealous and mean...that is not friendship. I can't do the hostile emails where she gets to insult and I just take it.

I wrote back setting boundaries and that was the end of that! Well, there is a whole story I will tell another time.

Wow, these people have problems.

But now I am the one they are blaming for these people being in their faces. I said to my friend,

"You didn't stick up for me?"

She said," NOPE!"

Gotta love my friends!

Saturday Morning Soccer Game

2008-05-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today was the first Saturday since my youngest boy's Viking Microsoccer league began that I could actually attend a game. I have been taking my oldest son to his tournaments out of town every weekend so I have not seen any soccer OR my middle boy's baseball for that matter. But right now I am talking soccer (there was no baseball game today for some reason, I don't ask questions~that would be like looking a gift horse in the mouth at this rate!)

I digress.

My little guy is really quite an athlete. I am always amazed at these guys, really. Anyway, every Saturday evening, when we are all reunited, I ask how all the games went that day. Invariably, my youngest tell me:

"We won, Mom! The score was 12 to 0!"

It usually goes something like that.

I did not realize their team was playing up in the league so that one older kid (early birthday) could play. So our kindergartners are playing first graders.... at least. That's fine.

OK, so today, when our team assembled at the beautiful Marina Greens, it was one of those rare sunny mornings in San Francisco. It was just lovely. The boats are sailing out, the GG Bridge is right there. It was breath taking. Makes you just feel so good. It was on of those moments when I was proud to be a native San Franciscan. Those are becoming rarer, trust me!

Again, I digress.

I am meeting up with other parents, who have attended these matches faithfully. Now, why this topic has not come up at practice, I don't know, because I am there every week. Maybe it's because they prefer discussing those wacky Real Manhattan Housewives (insert eyeroll).

One of the parents mentions to me how they have been getting CREAMED each week!!

WHAT?

NO!

I said, not according to my son. We are winning by a huge margin each week. Oh you should have heard the laughter.

A Mother from the other team comes to talk to our parents a bit later...an accent I do not recognize.

"How old are your children?" she asks.

"They are in kindergarten." replies on the Dads.

"OH. Zat iz why our kids look so HUGE!"

Thanks lady!

Well guess what...our little kids kicked their huge butts. Please know I would never say anything like that if not provoked by parents. Don't come over and tell us our kids are small. Don't you think I know my youngest boy is kind of small!!!! Well, my small boy scored a minimun of 8 goals according to one of the Dads. He was sure he would score 10 today. My kid was ON FIRE!

Ok, I know these are just little kids and we shouldn't even be keeping score, but come on lady, you made me mad!

I have to admit, I was very proud of our team! They have been playing older, much larger kids, from what I hear and they keep fighting. They are doing great and their game is much impoved. I don't care if they win, I care that they are having fun and playing as a team.

Good job, Cougars!

Sports Mom

2008-05-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

My oldest son plays on an AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) Basketball Team. It is called Team Hoop/Mana. We travel almost every weekend for tournaments and have our league games on Friday nights. This will be one of the very few weekends where we will be at home. We play Friday and Saturday, but at home. Usually we play Friday at home, and Sat/Sun in another city. I love it, although it is a lot of driving and a lot of work for all involved. I love the team, the players, the moms and dads, the coaches, and I love the director, the one who put the organization together. He also is a coach for several of our TH teams. We could not have found a more amazing team/organization. More on this at another time. I will say I am very proud of my boy as he plays on a 7th grade team and he is in the 6th grade. These teams are pretty tough. He is not just an athlete but a 4.0 student. He works hard at everything he does. Well, to be honest, most things comes easily to him, but when hard work is in order, he will put in the time.

The only downside for me has been that I have miss out on my other boys' games this spring. My middle boy is playing baseball and my youngest is playing Viking Soccer. I have heard they are doing amazingly well. I miss being out there cheering them on. I love watching my little guys go out there and play. They really are talented athletes all three of them.

OK, they drive me crazy half of the day when I have them all together, but in all seriousness, they are really amazing kids. They are known at school as some of the brightest, most athletic (means a lot in our school), but more than that, they are known to be kind and helpful. I have had people come up to me to tell me what nice kids I have. That this one was helpful in this way and that went out of his way to do that. I know this is going to sound harsh, but besides being proud, I would expect no less from my boys. I expect gentlemen. If someone needs help, you go do it. If someone is walking in a door, you go open it. If someone walks in, greet them. How is it that other people are not teaching these very same things.

OK, I'm not thick, I get that some kids are shy and that some kids just don't do these things. But I expect my boys, at a certain age, to be gentlemen. Polite from the time they can speak, though.

Don't get me wrong, they are maniacs and can swear like sailors at home (no I don't let them, they just find ways to slip it in and that is just the little fart, really) but NOT out in the world.

If they need a safe place to act out or be naughty, home better be the place. I can handle that...to a point. Just be polite when it counts. They know this.

I am now down to using their sports as leverage. You will continue to behave or lose your sports for this weekend.

Don't get the wrong idea, they are mostly good...really. But come on, three boys!

Off to kiss my babies' sweet sleeping faces before I go to sleep myself.

Good night!

Opposite Day...again?

2008-05-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

I do so Y my boys (like that? I told you I knew where the heart was...clever, huh?!) Anyway, This image reminds me of them...aside from the fact that it is a girl. They went through this whole period where everyday was Opposite Day. I think it gave them permission to say things they never would otherwise. I hate you, you're ugly...you get the picture. Then later if they they got in trouble for saying something they would say, "But Mom, I didn't mean it...it's Opposite Day!"

It drove me up a wall. I finally had to abolish this holiday they kept proclaiming.

I am so glad I have not heard this in a while. It was a clever defense, though. I will give them that!

Aint it purdy?!

2008-04-30T22:50:00.001-07:00

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QQqWWweERrTTttTYyuUIioOPp[]]]

\\aaASsdDFfgGHhjJKklL;;''zZXx

CcvVBbnNMm,,..//

Can I just say I LOVE webdings. I think they are so cool. I don't know that I will remember which key produces which cool icon, but I am sure gonna try. I know Y is the Heart and that is about it so far.

I want to use these cool icons...I hope I will take the time to figure them out. They really are very cool!

I also need to replace my poor broken camera so that I can add photos to this blog. I have been so tempted to take pics off the internet. I could even take one of Voldemort off of the Society pages as she is there....but I don't really want to call attention to myself in that way. If they have the posts removed from that public site....Yikes!

I do not want to invite their hackers to visit me or my computer.

Ok, I better go try to get something done today. It is a beautiful day in The City!

No free rent in this head!

2008-04-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Wednesday is soccer practice for one of my kids. I sat and talked to some of the other Moms. I was surprised at how open one of them was about our very own Voldemort.

She has no idea that we are not permitted to speak out against her.

I was even more surprised that one of our WG presidents was saying some not so nice things.

I just sat and smiled. I maintained that I love my school, I love the teachers, I love the community, I love the children. That is exactly how I feel. I told the truth.

I listened and expressed every positive feeling I had. That is my goal....to be as positive as I can be about all of this. Let everyone else hate her.

Besides, she will NEVER take away my power again by making me feel badly again.

As my dear friend's mother says, I don't want to give her free rent in my head!

Damn Gland!

2008-04-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

Talked to the endo's office today. Although he said he wanted to remove my thyroid if the antibodies came back high this time, I was just told to lower my cytomel! Darn it. I was finally on board for this. I am going to have to get him on the phone. I know he a world renowned specialist and very busy, but he is going to have to give me a minute. We have a great relationship, actually. He knew my step Dad and he knows my Dad ( sort of) as they are (my Step Father passed,though) both physicians.

. It used to be, as I said once before, that we were extended professional courtesy by doctors. Not anymore. I actually pay $400 out of pocket to see this guy (every three months). But he is worth it.

Back to my frustration....

I was hoping to get rid of this useless gland once and for all as it causes me nothing but trouble and we don't let it work anyway. It get worse and worse and he keeps telling me he wants it out because it is so sick. So take the damn thing out already. It is so hard to regulate my meds with this thyroid. I am just wishing to get rid of it now.

I am going to call him and see if I can speak to HIM tomorrow and see what he says. I fought him on this for six years. Now I want it out.

So, Doc, I agree, so can we get on with it?!

Disappearing Posts

2008-04-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

On greatschools.com there used to be some really negative posts about our principal. They were dated from starting like three years ago to as recently as 4/15. My friend told me to look at the site today as they have been removed. All that remains are the positive ones. They all talked about what a bully our principal is and how she needs to be removed from our school. Each one said that our school, teachers and community was excellent but that our principal uses bullying tactics or stated that we have a bully free school and yet she is a huge bully. She bullies teachers and parents.

So what happened to the posts? I am sure they were written by different people. One talked about how that particular family was leaving because of her. Each was unique in its own.

Now only the good ones remain. How does that happen?

I know these people have not changed their minds....

I am sure they are still stinging from her maltreatment and do NOT recommend the school to newcomers until a new principal is in place. So where did these posts go? There were at least 4 or 5 of them.

I hear she is really pissing people off big time. So where did they go?

I just don't get how you can remove them....or why?

I am befuddled!

I hate being cryptic

2008-04-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

I know I have been rather cryptic about all that has been going on.

I will sort of continue in that vein but promise to tell all when things blow up, as surely they will.

What has happened, well, nothing more than finding out that she is bullying other people. I am not sure if they are getting it as badly as I am, but I am glad to know that I am not the ONLY one singled out for her craziness. I am talking about MANY people...more than I had originally thought.

I have been instructed by one of them as to where to take my grievances. Ok, I knew where to go, but did not trust that that was the right person. You see, in our small pond, it is hard to know who is loyal to this person. Because she is political and influential, people seem to want to please her no matter their cost. I would one's soul is a high price to pay...that's just me.

Anyway, I have been told that her immediate superior is not longer her ally. Now I can trust him. Thank goodness. Now I can go report what has been done and what continues to happen.

My children should not suffer because of some crazy person.

She threatens not only their immediate educational goals but future ones too, not just indirectly but directly.

Not sure how much this explains.

Now updates will follow, but hopefully, I can write other things for a bit.

Cheers!

Mother's little helper

2008-04-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

I had not intended to discuss this, but I feel as if I must make a mention early on as it is an integral part of who I am right now and have been for some years. It doesn't define, mind you.

I have several auto immune illnesses for which I take an awful lot of medication. I have had some of these things for quite a few years.

I have an auto immune illness of they thyroid call Hashimoto's thyroiditis. This would not be so bad if my case were not so severe. I have tried to manage this with supplemental thyroid and then later complete replacement. I take a HUGE dose and am a relatively small person. I work out like a dog (which sometimes flare up my another one of my illnesses), but it seems to work off any extra meds in my body. Also, when I don't work out, I gain weight easily, even if I eat like a bird.

I also have a whopping case of fibromyalgia, which does not seem to abate. I have days where I can hardly stand as it mostly seems to affect my legs. My head is taken care of with shots and meds around the clock. The meds are supposed to help my legs as well but do not seem to be doing the job. The recent increase in the meds made me so loopy and off that I had to knock them back down. My endo says they interfered with my thyroid meds as well....sigh. That medication is topamax. So, you see, of course it will make me feel weird, it is an anti seizure med.

I take, I think, 18 pills a day, scattered throughout the day. My doc says I am too young to be this sick and take so much medication. I have to agree with him.

Did I mention I am the queen of side effects! I get every side effect on the label and some that are not mentioned. I got a rare and serious side effect from the topamax, besides sever tingles to where I thought my cervicle spin we demylinating again..I got erythema nodosum. I thought I was bruising badly on my legs. Then one day these lumps appear. I freaked and was sure I had blood clots just under the skin. Call to Dr. Dad, who knew they were not blood clots, but sent me off to get them looked at and cured.

Ok, now do you get the picture? I am a bit uneasy about meds and remedies because I need to know the most serious side effect first and if I am willing to chance that. I am the one likely to experience it...I always do.

When I delivered my first child, I was so sick from the epidural, I barfed for hours. The next day I started to notice these burn-like patches on my face.....oh gee, was it worth the hassle of not knowing when to push...'cuz that is really what it did for me. I delivered the next two naturally to avoid the after affects for all involved (yes of course that includes the babies, as by then I was more savvy about what all those issues, too!).

Ok, so those are the main things that I struggle with in addition to migraine, which is connected to one of the conditions or perhaps both. I have used shots and meds to quiet those a bit, and the daily headaches as well.

This was not bitch and moan as I really don't tend to do that. I just wanted it out there.

I struggle with the fact that my skin burns as a side effect (it just feels that way), and I can't always get myself to do what I know I should as I am just exhausted.

Ok, now I feel like I have gotten it out and I can move on.

Oh, I don't look sick. That has it's good and bad points. I will address that another time. I have to try to get my butt to they gym. I have not gone for days and it is making me cranky. I usually try to work out for 2-3 hours if I can make the time for it. With three young kids it is not always easy. I am currently looking for a day job ( I see clients at night) so I must indulge as much as I can while I still have the time to do so.

Time to get my day started.

Peace,

Politics in our little pond

2008-04-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

The reason why I can't post anything specific at this time is that the person who is out of her friggin mind is kind of a familiar face in society and political circles. My little pond is full of high profile people. I happen to have gone to kindergarten and high school with some rather famous and in the new people. I have to be very discrete about this crazy ass stuff for now.

I was so happy earlier as it has become clear to me through conversations that this crazoid is losing it and will be her own undoing. Now, usually, I would not be happy to hear this about people. But when the person is creating this much turmoil in my life, my children's lives, and in so many other people's lives and threatens to poison relationship that interfere with not only friendships, but education and the future of my kids....then I am happy to see watch her head blow off so much hate, anger and crazy.

I have a pretty well thought out plan. I know what I am going to do. I do not know there will be any satisfactory results, but I would think something has to be done to end this stuff.

What irks me most is so many people go along with her. So many women are afraid of her. In addition, it always amazes me how many women willingly screw you over just because someone gave them the green light to do so.

I have put in over 150 hours at our school. Now I can't get the new head of our parent committee ( someone who used to be quite friendly with me) to put me on a project. They took away the event I created just to stick it to me. Now our school is the only school without a holiday boutique. Every school around has one...not us....wanna know why...'cuz I created it...I ran it, I put it together by myself,chaired it alone and planned it alone....down to pulling every chair and table out myself. Do you think these ladies have the cajones to tell me there will be no boutique next year? NOPE. I had to find out through someone who pried it out of someone on the board. Who cares? I don't! I just think they should have told me like grown-ups.

Anyway, I know my friends are my friends and those who are going along with HER are not my friends and if they could be swayed so easily, they never were.

She needs to leave and quit stirring up the shit. I need to find the correct diagnoses for this very sick individual. I will consult my brother on this one. I am unsure of what it might be. I have some ideas. I would love to know if it is the same as what another woman who knows her has diagnosed her as....she is a therapist who has been victimized by her as well. She has had more contact with her so she knows her much better than I do.

This weekend will be the first in many where we are not going away for my oldest boys traveling basketball team. I might actually miss it. I will like the time off, as we will be on the road again next week, but I love the games. They are so exciting.

My three boys are all very good athletes, actually. The middle boy is now asking for music lessons now. My oldest used to ask, but we could not fit it in. I feel badly about that. I was thinking about trying to talk him into some lessons as well. My youngest is 6 and might not yet be ready...but who knows.

I am in the middle of signing them up for summer sports and day camps. My oldest has been told he has to go to summer school (by me) as next year is 7th grade and grades count for high school. He is a straight A student, but I want to make sure it stays that way. I always insist on summer school, but my younger ones got a pass this year as our school isn't offering it this year and I was too lazy to seek it out.

I must remember to keep positive and focus on what is good. Count my blessings of which there are many!

Good Night!

Good Day Sunshine!

2008-04-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so, when I was at school today, I found my answers. I know what I must do. It is what I was told to do by my friend, who is a priest and by my other friend who is a therapist (we went to grad school together) and my Mom (another therapist...yeah, you will find my world is full of therapists and other such interesting people. I digress. I will not actually print what I am going to do, but I at least have an answer now.

It is so good to feel like I can breathe a little bit now.

I don't know how it will be handled, but at least I think it is one step closer to the truth being told and an end being put to some of the really mean stuff that goes on in our community.

I sometimes think that I am given these situations to deal with, rather than someone else, because I can handle them. Granted, I do get pretty worked up at first, but once I calm down and try to work through something, I usually have the courage to do what most people are too afraid to do.

Now I am learning that others are speaking up, though, too....in a quiet, low-key manner, which suits this situation. It is the only way that this can be resolved.

I will put some thought and perhaps some prayer into this.

I feel better knowing now that I am not alone and that I will not be betrayed as I was in the past...again, long story. It will be told, but not at this time.

Have a great day!

Mean People Suck!

2008-04-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

After a rather long hiatus, I am BACK! For some reason AOHell, as some people refer to it, became impossible to post on any longer. I mean, really. I could no longer save what I wrote. It would not work. Don't know why. Just happened. So I came over here. Let's see if this will continue to work for a while.

I am dealing with some very difficult issues, bullies, health, raising kids. Oh, the bully is my bully. It is trickling down to them,meaning my kids. It is a very long story and I don't think I should publish it just yet. I am trying to learn to keep quiet about this. You see, I think part of what happened was, I was wronged and when I repeated the story/ facts only to several of my friends, it got back to this person and she did not like having her bad behavior mirrored back to her. So now I am the target of some very major bullying that may, in fact, impact my children in a major way. I am not trying to sound dramatic...it really is that bad.

So...how does one handle this kind of thing? I have no idea as I have never been treated in such a way in my life. I have always been treated well and treated others with respect in return...or visa versa.

I think I fanned the flames by repeating the story, but honestly, I was just trying to make some sense of what happened. It was just so bizarre to me.

I think I need to work on a course of action and in the mean time, focus on what is good in life. That will help get me through all this negativity. I know I can't focus on that!

I have that bumper sticker on my fridge that says "Mean People Suck". I really think that says it all.

Now to focus on my kids and the joy they bring. My life is so full of blessings. One evil, rotten person may not take that away. I will not hand over my power that easily to someone who has such poor self esteem that they must bully others. I will figure this out.....it may just take some time!

Cheers!